I saw some photographs of my Dad today, and was surprised by the intensity of emotion those simple images provoked. Even though he’s been gone for a dozen years, those snapshots left me feeling the dull ache of grief and loss , all mixed up with the sweetness of good memories. The older I get , the more amazed I am by this man’s influence over my life and the lives of so many others.
I know that he barely remembered his own father, who passed away when he was a toddler. He was raised by a good but life- weary Mom and a bunch of older brothers. They were good hearted men, who were (as we say in Western PA) “rough as corn cobs”. In spite of these challenges, along the line somewhere he learned how to be a devoted Husband and extraordinary Dad.
The pictures I saw today fittingly capture some great moments ...... "Grandpa" playing with my little ones, " Mr . Fix-it " hard at work on some project and the smiling fisherman driving a boat, his only real hobby. He never owned a boat, but he would sometimes rent one for an afternoon. Boats and hobbies were too expensive for one who had so many kids to put through college (all seven!!!).
When Dad passed there was no “reading of the will” like in the movies. Providing for his family had consumed more than 35 years, working outdoors in all weather conditions, 40 hours plus all the overtime possible to build a house , feed and cloth a growing brood. Although he was a masterful money manager, he never had opportunity to accumulate much from his blue-collar wages. But he did leave me (us) with some amazing gifts.
When I was a teen ager , I am sure that Dad often wondered whether or not he had passed on any of his “core values” to me, (his low compliance child) . More than he realized, his little shadow was watching and learning. By observation, I learned that my father was a passionate defender of the weak and the helpless. Normally a gentle spirited man, his blue eyes would turn to ice in the face of injustice or abuse of the ignorant , handicapped, or the elderly. He didn't just talk about these thing, he was often elbows deep in practical service to those in need. I once heard mom complain that she needed to create some tragic story to see if she could get dad to fix things around our house. Important life lessons were taught in the car as we ran errands or traveled to the next benevolence project .....like the day I learned about labor unions! He patiently explained to me that while in his generation he had seen labor unions drift from their mission, he could not forget that he was a fatherless child because the coal companies in a previous generation did so little to protect those workers who went "under the hill".
And although he was a man of compassion, he had no sympathy for people who created their own misery because of laziness, bitterness or constant poor judgment.
I spent a lot of time with my dad during the normal progression of life, and had great opportunity to observe his interactions and relationships. While I did not always understand the full meaning of the adult interactions it was easy to read the respect mirrored in the faces of acquaintances, business people and neighbors He was a man of integrity, who having promised something, would keep that promise even at great personal cost.
These qualities have become the standard by which I measure my own performance and all other men. I must confess that although I’ve enjoyed privileges beyond his experience in education, travel, business and ministry, I am not a better man.
As a Christian, I believe I will see my dad again in the next world, and I like to imagine that one of our first conversations will be about the seeds of good things that he planted deep in my spirit by his example.
